


How was i supposed to save you?

by usedtoloveme



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Ian Gallagher Loves Mickey Milkovich, M/M, Soft Ian!, Soft Mickey!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 01:45:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10687218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usedtoloveme/pseuds/usedtoloveme
Summary: This is my first ficso please be nice and give your opinions, constructive criticism is welcome. i hope you enjoy.





	How was i supposed to save you?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ficso please be nice and give your opinions, constructive criticism is welcome. i hope you enjoy.

Ian couldn't believe he was in a car with the love that he'd thought he lost, he couldn't believe that he was really going to run away with the man he loved. Ian couldn't pull his eyes away from him, he was afraid that if he even blinked he'd be back in Chicago waking up from a really bad dream.

He let his eyes wonder over Mickey as if he was staring at the eighth wonder of the world. Ian's eyes trailed over Mickey's faded finger tats, he couldn't help but imagine those rough hands wrapped around the nape of his neck pulling Ian into their reunion kiss.

Ian smiled as his eyes finished trailing up to Mickey's freshly shaven face, he felt a strange twinge in his heart when he thought about the things Mickey had been through while he was locked up. He knew Mickey could handle himself but he also knew that jail could be a harsh place for anyone. He wondered how someone who had been hurt by everyone he let in could still be so beautiful.

Ian continued to watch Mickey as they drove down I-44S admiring the way Mickey squinted his eyes blocking out the sun while he took a drink of his water and then licked a couple of droplets of liquid off of his lip.

"The fuck are you looking at Gallagher" an annoyed Mickey said raising his eyebrows looking back and forth from the road to the ginger boy sitting next to him. Ian just shrugged his shoulders and turned to watch the sun follow them.

While staring off into the sun Ian thought about his conversation with Fiona _"you turned your life around, mickey would set a match to it"_  

Ian couldn't help getting angry when his mind replayed those words. What about him, Ian thought. What about the match he set to Mickey's life? Ian felt like a burden to Mickey even though Mickey never did anything to make him believe so, it was hard for him to believe anything else. He knew that Mickey loved him but Frank loved Monica and look at how well that turned out.

When Ian left Mickey it was because he didn't want Mickey spending his life hating him because he had to deal with his disorder. Ian thought that if he cut Mickey out completely then he would be saving Mickey from a lifetime of disappointment, he doesn't realize how wrong he was. Mickey would have and still would do anything and everything for Ian.

Ian watched his mom struggle with her disease as well as he watched Frank deal with it his whole life and its not what he wanted for himself. Of course he realized that him and Mickey were not Frank and Monica but the slight possibility of that being what they looked forward to was not what Ian wanted for Mickey.

It had been a long day of driving and Mickey was getting sick of driving. Mickey pulled off of the high way under a bridge. Mickey pulled out a blanket and a 12 pack of beer. He settled next to the red head boy taking a sip of the beer.

Mickey listens while Ian talks about what's he's been up to since their 'break up' and Mick's arrest. Ian tells Mickey about his ex Caleb and even though it hurts Mickey to hear about Ian moving on he can tell that Ian needed to get this off his chest so he listens while his hurt turns into anger. Mickey hated the thought of anyone hurting his man. Ian changes the subject to his family and tells Mickey how Carl is doing good in military school and there was a small amount of sadness in his voice at the memory of anything associated with the army. Fiona is a raging bitch but doing well and taking care of herself for once. Debbie is a new mother who has found a good guy to take care of her. And Lip who despite all the opportunities he's been given has fucked each of them up severely and turned to alcohol which he claims to have under control but Ian's not so sure. Ian lets Mickey know that Mandy and him kept in touch and she's doing well for herself. Mickey tensed up at the mention of his sisters name, he hadn't heard from her since she left with Kenyatta. He was sure that he had ruined her so hearing that she was doing well made him let a small smile spread across his face.

Mickey took out a cigarette and lit it, hitting ian in his chest "Ow the fuck was that for" Ian asked furrowing his brows at Mickey.

"You never fucking visited me" Mickey told him sticking the cigarette back between his lips.

"It hurt seeing you like that... behind the glass" both boys taking a silent moment to recollect their thoughts and debate with themselves on what to say next.

"it hurt being in there with no one to come see me, you were the only one i thought i could count on" Mick said with such pain in his voice that Ian could physically feel it in his heart.

"i just i couldn't-" Ian started

"you couldn't? i went to jail for you and you couldn't come see me once a fucking week"

"i-i couldn't fucking save myself okay, how the fuck was i supposed to save you. mick, huh? how?"

"i didn't fucking need saving, i needed support and you, you weren't fucking there for me. you gave up on me" Mickey said with a shakey voice.

"i had to save myself mick, i had to get myself in the right head space before i could handle seeing you again, i didn't give up on you mick. i thought about you everyday i just couldn't bring myself to see you behind that glass knowing that i was the reason for it" Mickey sat there afraid that if he spoke his voice would crack and he would end up crying like he did most nights in prison. "I blamed myself, even hated myself for letting sammi send you to prison. you didn't deserve that." Ian told a silent Mickey "you didn't deserve it" he whispered.

Both boys sat in silence for a while knowing that they both made mistakes but they would rather have made mistakes with each other than anyone else. both men stared at the stars knowing that there would never be anyone else made for them. they knew that no matter what life threw their way they'd always have each other. after a long amount of silence and subtle glances from Mickey, Ian started to over think things.

What if Mickey didn't want to be with him? What if Mickey only felt obligated to see him because of their history? What happens if he had another meltdown? Would Mickey still want to be with him?

"You having second thoughts?" Ian asked after a while.

"Fuck no" Mickey replied in a tone that suggested that Ian was a dumbass for even thinking that.

"Im not leaving anything behind, you're the only person who ever gave a shit about me anyways" Mickey continued while Ian stayed silent. "Why are you having second thoughts"

Ian shook his head "No its just..." he trailed off not knowing exactly how to express what he was feeling at the moment. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me all the time, i don't want you to have to be my nurse or my fucking babysitter watching me all the time waiting for my next meltdown, i dont want you to regret being with me mick."

"Ian.." Mickeys voice trailed off as he looks at Ian with worry not sure how to reassure Ian. Before Ian, Mickey never knew how to use his words. He wasn't the type to share his feelings. "Nothing will ever make me regret being with you"

"i thought alot about you while i was on the inside and every thing we would do that we never got to do, i want to be with you always. Ian i broke out of prison for you, no one else matters to me. only you" Mickey put his hands on both sides of Ian's face, lifting his face up caressing his cheek right cheek and pressing a soft and loving kiss to Ian's lips.

"i love you" Ian said as Mickey pulled away catching him by surprise. Mickey smashed his lips against Ian's as Ian pulls him on his lap so that Mick is straddling him. Ian places one of his hands on the bottom of Mickey's neck and the other on the middle of back pulling him in as close as possible. Mickey arms were both draped around Ian's neck. After a few minutes of their tongues wrestling around for dominance Mickey pulled away resting his head on Ian's shoulder, "i love you too" he said quickly almost afraid to say those words again.

  
niether boy dared to moved. they sat there holding each other, and just enjoying each others company. still not believing that this was real, that they finally had time to be free with out bull shit that came along with their freedom in chicago, this was a fresh start for them. tomorrow would be the start of their forever and they couldn't wait for it.


End file.
